she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
