here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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