Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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