I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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