her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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