So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
apparently the secret to your success is patron
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
