she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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