I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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