eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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