If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize