So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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