In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
