My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
