ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize