Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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