He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
