Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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