i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
