OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the condom got lost in my hair
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
