If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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