i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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