Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
