i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
