question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
