Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
