Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
