My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
