i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
