I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
