You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
