I heard we made out
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
