I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
