What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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