why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
40s are totally the cure
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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