When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just blew my weed a kiss
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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