where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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