I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
