3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
