My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
