And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
