is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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