I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
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so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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