he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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