btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
