I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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