ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
