she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
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I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
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Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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