It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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