Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
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Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
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i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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