I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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