My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
