okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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