Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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