You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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