I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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