bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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