Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
