Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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