Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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