I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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