My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
