So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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