he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
