Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
