I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
