Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
