There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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