Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
