the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
