There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just pee around me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
A bitchslap is in order.
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