Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
