My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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