Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
