he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
