Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
