My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
