I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
