Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
